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View Full Version : "Giving in to the thirst",my thoughts on why I'm not serial killer.


BanMe
August 11th, 2009, 22:17
So this has nothing to do with any project or trick or anything.. just some of my own life expierences and some of my thoughts and interpretations of these expierences..

So lets get down to it..

My mom said I was born angry at the world..
I tend to think thats mostly true, but it has ripened and matured with time as most things do..When I was younger, I was allowed to view the world and all its terrible truths, I grew to dislike and not only dislike but to generally hate the world we live in.so life went on and I was introduced to the 'drug scene' at the tender age of 14 and with my passed down addictive nature from my dad,I took to it very quickly..this gave me my uncaring nature, and the anger still persisted..when I was 16 I started getting terrible migranes..then 1 day I got hit by a car that gave me major concussion which rattled my cage..so to speak.I was having very intense debilitating migranes to the point it would bring me to my knees screaming for them to stop..about two weeks into getting those migranes I began feeling intense I mean seriously intense..I cant even say anger cause it was so far beyond anger/hate I can't even describe the word for it..so during the 'last' incident of the intense fury/anger/hatred I was at home alone and the feeling just struck me..But this time it was somewhat different..I dont know why, but my mind was telling me to kill 'something' to get rid of the pain.. so I went into the kitchen and grabbed a 'butcher' knife(irony) I was going to kill my cat..but my cat took 1 look at me and screwed, so i chased him around the house finally cornering him in the bathroom..and then I looked up and saw myself in the mirror..wide eyed insanity in my eyes, and a fevered palor to my face..and then I look at my cat who by this time managed to get out of the bathroom and was genuinly afraid of me and I asked myself "Is this what you want to be.." and "Is this what you have degenerated into some depraved killer bent on satisfying this thirst over and over.." needless to say the answer was no.. but I believe that if there was no mirror and I had actually gone through with this heinous act, I would be a slave to this thirst for blood..

But I'm not and the migranes and anger somewhat subsided and I was given to see the better aspects of this world we live in..even though there is daily atrocities and endless pain for a vast portion of the worlds population..there is still good in all of us..whether we cling to it or push it away is our own choice..one we all have to make somewhere along the line..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Weis and Hickman
"We Pay off the darkness to save us.
But How far do we sink into the darkness before we become the darkness?"

Are we already the darkness?

regards BanMe

Woodmann
August 12th, 2009, 18:29
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...............

You need to stop talking to Fake Snatch .
Now come back to the real world and start drinking to much like the rest of us.

Woodmann

BanMe
August 12th, 2009, 18:52
lol I don't Drink often enough...but a good 'buzz' and good people is definitly what I need now..

I have never talked about any of that to anyone..But recent events brought up some of the old pains and old unhealed wounds..I figured by releasing it to the world I could avoid the temptation and mind bending of the previous expierence..which luckily I have..

Currently I feel relieved to have opened up and spit it out..

BanMe

p.s. I got a nice batch of BBQ sauce ready and goddamn this state is full of Woodmann named places.. woodmann institute..woodmann rd(did some work right next to there recently)..just to name a few..it seems I see your name everywhere I go now..its fucked up..lol...

Woodmann
August 12th, 2009, 19:07
Ya, Imagine my dismay when I moved here to find out the place is full of dead people from the old days named Woodmann.

Send me a PM if you wanna make a "transaction" .

Woodmann

JMI
August 12th, 2009, 23:54
There is no substitute for "will power." Unless you have a true mental illness, the rest of it is about the "will" to do what you believe to be the right path. It really doesn't matter what the "wants" need, or try to lead you to seek...if you have the "will" to do what you know is the right thing, even if, and even more, because it seems, and can be hard.

Doing the "easy" stuff is, by definition, not difficult and there is no accompanying sense of accomplishment. Only by doing the "hard" stuff will you have something to truly feel proud about. As they say, "life is a journey, not an event". Try to look at where you might have been as an object lesson to try to avoid doing again, rather than as a burden you have to "carry" forward.

Bumps in the road are the "norm." Having to struggle about "something/anything" is really what life is all about. The rest is mostly just letting things happen and trying to blame someone else or something else when it all turns to crap.

What might be of some help is to try to "focus" what is left of your "anger" and use it to force/re-enforce your determination to do those things you know you should do and to "not do" those things you know you should not do.

One of the goals is to try to stop thinking about "all the things you wish you had done differently" and, instead, focus your energy on all those things you "know" you need to do to be at better peace with yourself.

Bad things happen even to good people. "Life" is about how one tries to deal with what happens and keep trying to move forward. It's not about always succeeding, as much as it is about just keeping on trying.

No moralizing intended. Simply "focus" on the positive aspects of life, while dealing the best one can at the moment with all the rest of the crap.

The only advantage I may have in looking at some of these issues is having had much more time to look "back" on life, from the simple fact of having lived somewhat longer than most of the folks who gather here.

Regards,

GEEK
August 13th, 2009, 04:53
Very well said JMI

Aimless
August 13th, 2009, 05:42
And *THAT* gentlemen, was the sound of my head exploding trying to interpret the above.

Have Phun

Woodmann
August 13th, 2009, 19:01
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAa.............

I got a follow up for you Aimless. I will post the audio clip as soon as I find it.

Woodmann

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Ihop_The_International_House_of_Pancakes_/8593096

If it doesnt auto start, press the friggen > button.

Kayaker
August 13th, 2009, 21:55
I LOVE that quip Aimless! It's on the top of my "Oh, I've got to use that on someone" list


Lewis Black cracks me up. Another one of his skits that fills the exploding brain bill is his 'Starbucks across from a Starbucks. End of the Universe':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlXGotl6TvM

ZlXGotl6TvM

Woodmann
August 14th, 2009, 17:48
You are correct !!!!!!!!!


Ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of the universe.

Woodmann

Woodmann
August 14th, 2009, 17:53
In my area of the planet, Rite-Aid built a store across the street from every Brooks and CVS.

5 years later, Rite-Aid bought out their competition and renamed them Rite-Aid.

Believe it or not, there were multiple places where there was a Rite-Aid across the street from a Rite-Aid.

They finally smartened up and closed all the duplicates.

Woodmann

JMI
August 14th, 2009, 18:36
Hang on a minute ... CVS is doing well out in my part of the country. They just bought out a large California/ West Coast Drugstore chain called Long's and I'm still not used to seeing their name in those "old familiar places" where there used to be a "Long's."

Regards,

BanMe
August 14th, 2009, 21:39
'As the world turns' shit happens..

btw focused anger is working great..

regards BanMe

Barneyknows
September 9th, 2009, 17:22
This must have been scary for you. Did you ever tell anyone about the migraines? Do you still get them?

BanMe
September 9th, 2009, 17:51
no wasn't 'scary'..just awakening and requiring more of my 'will' to compensate for..and i dont get the migraines anymore,just left with 'a' intense dislike of the world for the most part..but i dont act on my 'dislikes' I just internally 'comment' on them..

Barneyknows
September 10th, 2009, 14:37
it's not easy to view the world in a good light when it just doesn't seem to work the way we want it to. But go easy on it, it truly is what we put into it that determines it's response to us is. :-)